7 Movie Marriages that are ACTUALLY Healthy!

Aug 18, 2023

7 Movie Marriages that are ACTUALLY Healthy!

What makes a marriage work? What are your favorite movie marriages?

Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright are diving into great movie marriages and sharing the beautiful lessons they can teach us. They discuss seven movies and lessons in marriage: Julie \u0026 Julia, supporting dreams; Father of the Bride, showing accountability; Love is Strange, accepting differences; The Legend of Tarzan, keeping passion alive; A Quiet Place, cherish each other; The Emperor’s New Groove, have each others’ backs; and Up, quality time. Don’t worry, we did a whole episode on the GOAT of movie marriages, Morticia and Gomez from The Addams Family. Marriage is often the most intimate and long-lasting relationship we have, though these lessons can be applied to any relationship. Should we do another top movie marriages video? Let us know in the comments!

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Cinema Therapy is:
Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, Alan Seawright, and Corinne Demyanovich
Edited by: David Sant
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis

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Content

3.093 -> Jono: Why did you get married?

4.636 -> Ben: Frankly, I don't care what anybody else thinks.

7.723 -> Jono: Healthy, successful marriages are partnerships.

10.726 -> You're not going through life alone.

12.644 -> You're chasing dreams together and trying to accomplish things together.

16.398 -> When you're in trouble, they're there for you.

18.316 -> Or when you're struggling, they're there for you.

20.819 -> We give.

22.362 -> We support.

23.572 -> We keep the passion alive. We cherish one another.

25.866 -> We make room for, We're different, and that's okay.

33.498 -> That's the whole point.

47.053 -> Alan: Hello and welcome to Cinema Therapy.

48.973 -> My name is Alan Seawright. I'm a professional filmmaker and I need therapy.

52.392 -> Jono: I'm Jonathan Decker, licensed therapist who loves movies.

55.145 -> And today, we're going to be exploring some of my favorite movie marriages.

58.816 -> Alan: The wide world of great marriages in film.

62.152 -> And by wide world, I mean we found seven.

65.238 -> There are seven.

65.906 -> Jono: There's a handful more, if we do a second one of these.

67.992 -> Alan: If you know of good movie marriages, put them in the comments below.

72.997 -> Maybe we'll do another episode with your suggestion.

75.29 -> Jono: As we embrace different types of relationships in society

78.084 -> and we make room at the table for polyamorous relationships,

80.921 -> or people who say, I don't ever want to have a romantic relationship.

83.674 -> Like, when we were growing up...

85.217 -> I know in our little micro society, but also in society at large,

88.637 -> it was, Grow up, get married, have a family.

90.597 -> Alan: Yeah. Asexuality was not even a thing that was, like, acknowledged.

93.684 -> Jono: Yeah. Yeah, it was definitely a thing that existed, but we didn't have a name for it.

97.229 -> Jono: So there's all sorts of things that are part of the human buffet. Alan: Right.

101.358 -> Jono: That sounds like cannibalism. That's not how I meant it.

103.402 -> Alan: Gross.

103.861 -> And is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

106.363 -> Jono: But marriage is always going to be what a significant portion of people want. Alan: Correct.

110.868 -> Jono: That's how they want to live their lives.

112.494 -> So how do we do it well?

113.787 -> We're going to look to the movies for examples of getting it right.

116.582 -> Alan: Well, speaking of human buffets, Julie and Julia.

119.71 -> Julia: I don't really want to go back into government work.

123.005 -> Jono: So she's saying, What should I do with my life?

124.506 -> Julia: Couldn't I find something to do?

128.761 -> Wives don't do anything here.

132.806 -> Julia: That's not me. This is not me. Paul: I know.

135.809 -> Julia: I saw a notice on the bulletin board at the embassy.

140.606 -> Hat making lessons.

146.028 -> Paul: You like hats...

148.739 -> Julia: I do. I do.

153.869 -> Jono: He knows. I love this.

156.288 -> Paul: What is it that you really like to do?

160.292 -> Julia: Eat.

163.587 -> Alan: This is my favorite...

165.422 -> Paul: I know, I know, I know.

168.717 -> Paul: And we are so good at it. Julia: I am good at it.

170.385 -> Paul: Look at you. Now.

171.804 -> Julia: Growing in front of you.

175.599 -> Alan: These two are just cute as hell. Come on.

177.977 -> Jono: So our first key is support one another's dreams.

180.646 -> In the context of the film, this is about Julia Child,

183.565 -> who became the world's first television celebrity chef.

187.527 -> Alan: That's right. Jono: Right? And started her her own empire.

190.572 -> Alan: And with a voice like that, how could she not?

193.826 -> Julia: Hum hum hum hum hum

196.328 -> Pfftttt.

197.079 -> Jono: Pursuing her dream of eating professionally.

200.04 -> Alan: Yes.

201.875 -> She's so good at it.

203.376 -> Jono: And her husband could have said, Well, that's preposterous.

205.921 -> You can't do that. You can't eat for a living. You can't...

208.548 -> Jono: And he just says, You're so good at it. Alan: Yeah.

211.135 -> Jono: I was once at a training with John Gottman and he talked about...

214.18 -> happy spouses and happy marriages.

216.556 -> They not only know each other's dreams, but help one another pursue those dreams.

221.187 -> And he was shocked at just how many couples assume that they know

224.815 -> when they actually don't.

226.399 -> In part because they haven't talked about it

228.11 -> or because they knew what their partner's dreams were

230.196 -> when they got married years ago.

231.655 -> But people evolve and they haven't been having these conversations.

234.533 -> So it's crucially important to support one another in following your dreams.

238.745 -> Alan: So I think our next example...

241.581 -> Key...

242.749 -> To a great movie marriage is showing humble accountability.

246.795 -> And I can't think of anything better...

249.422 -> Father of the Bride.

252.051 -> He gets there, he learns and he grows.

256.304 -> Nina: You've been more than I can handle, George.

259.225 -> Annie's wedding is not a conspiracy against you. It's just a wedding.

262.728 -> People have them every day in every country in the world.

265.981 -> I know it's going to be expensive, but we don't go to Europe.

269.985 -> We don't own fancy cars.

271.319 -> I don't own expensive jewelry. So we can afford to have a big wedding.

275.741 -> George: Nina...

277.659 -> Nina: I'll get you out of here on one condition, Banks.

280.204 -> You agree to the following.

281.955 -> Now repeat after me.

284.457 -> I, George Stanley Banks...

290.672 -> George: I, George Stanley Banks...

292.674 -> Nina: Promise to pull it together and act my age.

296.678 -> Nina: Promise...

297.512 -> George: Promise to pull it together and at my age.

299.514 -> Nina: I will stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, unbuttoning my top collar button.

304.561 -> George: I don't unbutton my top collar... Nina: Oh, yeah. No. You mean this bit?

309.024 -> George: I will stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, and unbuttoning my top collar button.

315.906 -> Nina: I will stop making faces in general,

317.657 -> and I will definitely stop telling everybody I meet how much this wedding is costing.

321.703 -> George: I don't tell everyone how much it costs!

324.372 -> Police officer: [clears throat]

325.874 -> Nina: He told you, right?

327.084 -> Police officer: 250 a head?

329.211 -> George: Oh, well, thanks.

331.672 -> Jono: That's a lot now, much less in '91. Alan: Yeah.

336.76 -> Nina: I will try to remember my daughter's feelings,

340.222 -> and how with every roll of my eyes, I am taking away a piece of her happiness.

346.603 -> George: I love you, Nina.

349.857 -> Nina: Just repeat the last part for me, George.

352.4 -> George: I will try to remember my daughter's feelings. Nina: That's right.

355.154 -> George: And how with every roll of my eyes, I'm taking away a piece of her happiness.

361.702 -> Nina: I love you, too.

363.245 -> Let's go. Okay?

367.457 -> Alan: So, um...

369.751 -> This is a little forced accountability, obviously. He's behind bars. But, um...

375.174 -> He was at a point in his life where he needed some drastic encouragement.

380.804 -> Jono: Well, look, I mean...

382.139 -> You could see what she's doing as condescending or putting him in his place.

386.727 -> And, like, that's a valid read. But I choose to watch this scene,

390.731 -> and see that he's responding to...

392.983 -> She's right.

393.984 -> Alan: Oh, he definitely is. That's the way he's playing it.

396.153 -> Jono: How I'm behaving is taking away my daughter's happiness.

400.407 -> Her focus on being in love and having a wedding, to worrying about her dad.

404.828 -> And that I'm out of control.

407.789 -> And that he is humble and accountable for it.

410.334 -> And there is no marriage that survives without humble accountability.

414.588 -> Alan: Right.

415.089 -> Jono: Much l-- Actually, that's true for any relationship. Period.

417.674 -> Alan: Right. Yeah, absolutely.

418.8 -> Jono: So that would take humble accountability.

420.219 -> I want to talk about making room for individual differences

423.222 -> through a film almost no one's heard of, called Love is Strange.

426.474 -> Alan: I had not heard of this until you recommended it.

430.062 -> Jono: Alfred Molina and John Lithgow...

432.356 -> play an older gay couple.

435.567 -> Gay marriage has just been legalized, so they finally get married.

439.696 -> You know the story of the film, I'll be honest, doesn't really do it for me that much.

443.617 -> Alan: There's not a lot going on.

444.701 -> Jono: But I love they are so completely believable.

448.705 -> Alan: Yeah.

449.456 -> Jono: You know?

449.998 -> Alan: They're one of the sweetest old married couples I've seen in a film.

453.835 -> Jono: Yeah.

457.381 -> Ben: What did you think of the Wisniowski?

459.091 -> George: Not bad.

460.801 -> I thought she milked it a bit.

462.636 -> Ben: You think so?

463.304 -> George: Well, when the piece is that romantic, there's no need to embellish, right?

467.099 -> Ben: Oh, I don't know. I loved it.

470.811 -> I kept thinking about him and his beloved Isabelle.

473.647 -> George: But that's not true.

475.399 -> That whole "he composed it to convince her parents to let him marry her" is a myth.

480.07 -> Ben: I'm not like you.

482.281 -> I prefer a little embellishment.

487.077 -> Jono: It's just such a beautiful, warm moment of making room for just differences.

491.665 -> Alan: Yeah. I'm not like you. I like embellishment.

494.293 -> It's okay that you don't. Like, they're not mad at each other.

496.795 -> They're not trying to argue each other's... like, get each other on their side.

502.009 -> Jono: Yeah. There's no correcting. Alan: They're just like, Oh, that's how you feel?

503.635 -> Alan: This is how I feel. Jono: Yeah.

504.928 -> Alan: How lovely.

506.096 -> Jono: Exactly!

506.68 -> Alan: It's great.

507.389 -> Jono: It's so great. This is kind of like how we watch movies, honestly.

510.184 -> Because you're a filmmaker, you're far more critical about this, that or the other.

514.062 -> Alan: It doesn't need any embellishment. Jono: Yeah.

516.44 -> Jono: And I'm more like, I don't know. I'm just here to enjoy it. You know? I just...

519.943 -> And same thing with our relationship. That's okay. Alan: Sure.

523.905 -> Jono: Like, neither one is wrong.

525.282 -> I'm right.

525.907 -> Alan: He isn't.

526.408 -> Jono: And so I would recommend this film to you wholly for the performances.

530.412 -> Jono: I mean, just... Alan: Yes.

531.163 -> Jono: Just to bask... The problem with the movie is that they keep these two apart for so much.

536.251 -> A that's why the movie's okay. But any time they're together, it's electric.

540.672 -> And this is so respectful to the gay community and such a beautiful love story.

544.801 -> Jono: So, it's so good. Alan: Yeah.

546.345 -> Lovely couple.

549.264 -> Alan: Been together a long time. Jono: Yeah.

551.517 -> Alan: May need some help keeping the passion alive.

553.601 -> I didn't super care for the film.

555.229 -> We've got another great relationship from another film that I didn't super care for,

558.606 -> where they do a great job of keeping the passion alive.

560.608 -> Jono: This is seven great movie marriages, not seven great movies with marriages in them.

563.611 -> Alan: Correct.

564.905 -> This is not a great film, but...

567.074 -> ...this is a very solid movie marriage.

568.658 -> Tarzan and Jane from The Legend of Tarzan from 2016.

576.5 -> Jono: Listen when you've got Margot Robbie and...

579.211 -> Alan: Yeah, keeping the passion alive between Margot Robbie and Alexander Skarsgard...

582.589 -> Like, this is not an issue.

584.633 -> Jono: It's very believable.

585.551 -> Alan: The two prettiest people on the planet.

588.887 -> Jono: But she's going through the house and he's making animal calls.

594.56 -> Jane: Also a mating call...

596.145 -> Jono: And all the calls he's doing are mating calls. Alan: Are mating calls.

600.566 -> Jono: But...

602.443 -> I saw this one time in theaters and remembered it as being better than it was

606.572 -> just because I was so refreshed at seeing a passionate, loving, committed marriage.

612.578 -> Usually in movies and TV shows, passion is outside of marriage

616.873 -> Jono: because once you're married, the passion's gone. Alan: The passion's gone. Yeah.

619.376 -> Jono: But that's not necessarily true.

621.67 -> In fact...

623.172 -> Jono: In... Alan: This is a passionate marriage where they've had trouble conceiving,

626.758 -> and they want to have a child, and that can be a real passion killer.

629.803 -> Jono: Yeah.

630.762 -> Woo!

632.222 -> Alan: But again... Jono: Pushing the PG 13.

633.974 -> Alan: Listen, it's Alexander Skarsgard and Margot Robbie.

638.812 -> Jono: Whoa, whoa. Easy, easy now. It's just...

641.524 -> It's your classic PG 13 shoulders and head.

644.151 -> Alan: Frankly, that's a very PG love scene. Frankly, that's pretty chill.

648.28 -> Jono: But just that he's doing something playful and fun and...

652.284 -> Kind of leading, like a trail of audio breadcrumbs for her to follow. You know...

656.413 -> Alan: Listen, it works for Jane because this is a weird mythical...

662.336 -> Like, magic bush people movie. I don't know.

667.341 -> I'm not a super huge fan of the Tarzan stories in general.

670.76 -> Alan: And I thought this one was really weird, but it's such a cute in-character way. Jono: Yeah.

676.433 -> Alan: To show that and to keep it alive and to keep it fresh and fun. And...

680.604 -> Jono: And so how do you keep the passion alive?

682.439 -> Great lovers are great listeners.

684.733 -> I don't care what anybody tells you. Like...

687.11 -> Very few people, if anyone, is born an amazing lover,

689.905 -> and even if you are with one person, you may not be with another.

692.824 -> Alan: Right.

693.2 -> Jono: Because it's not just a simple copy and paste.

695.785 -> Our sexual preferences, our likes, our dislikes, the things that we enjoy,

698.997 -> the things that help us to feel cherished and loved and excited and passionate - vary.

703.877 -> Alan: It's not the same with the same person from week to week.

706.422 -> Jono: Or, yeah, or across time because our bodies age, and evolve, or change.

710.717 -> And so great lovers are great listeners.

713.762 -> Jono: Passion is important. Alan: Sure.

715.431 -> Jono: In a marriage partnership, so is cherishing one another.

718.308 -> And I will straight up say this, I love old romantic movies.

722.02 -> Not because I'm a big prude, but because the sexuality is so de-emphasized.

727.61 -> They really lean into the sweetness.

730.404 -> Jono: And I think we've lost a little bit of that in a lot of modern romances. Not all of them. Alan: Right.

734.199 -> Jono: 'Cause you can definitely have sexual passion and sweetness.

736.826 -> But too often I feel like we fall on the side of either raunchy or explicit.

742.499 -> Which again, I'm not especially prudish about, but we sacrifice, like, this tenderness.

746.67 -> And A Quiet Place... They've got sexual chemistry, but they've also got loving chemistry.

752.426 -> Alan: And it really does feel kinda like an old fifties romance film,

757.598 -> wrapped up in the trappings of a... modern sci fi horror.

761.851 -> Jono: Yeah.

763.019 -> Alan: Part of it is the lighting in this scene is very warm and soft and...

767.941 -> Jono: Yeah.

771.987 -> ♬♬ Come a little bit closer ♬♬

773.614 -> Jono: I mean, the modern touch is that it's earbuds or headphones. Alan: Sure.

778.118 -> Jono: But this type of...

783.165 -> You know, this is Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn, you know?

785.459 -> Alan: Totally.

786.293 -> It's just sort of quiet and longing.

790.213 -> Jono: Yeah.

792.424 -> Alan: Kind of scene we don't get too often in films anymore.

798.681 -> Jono: The thing I love about A Quiet Place and that a lot of people did...

801.266 -> It's a horror movie that even people who don't like horror movies enjoyed.

804.978 -> Alan: Yes. Because it's not a horror movie.

807.272 -> It's a family drama. It just has horror movie stuff in it.

810.066 -> Jono: Yeah.

813.445 -> Jono: Because it's really about how does a marriage survive hardship?

816.906 -> How do you make it through?

818.074 -> Alan: Yeah, how do you make it through losing a child?

820.035 -> Jono: Yeah.

821.62 -> And the answer is, we discussed in that episode,

825.123 -> is you refuse to blame.

827.834 -> You refuse to, you know, hold grudges.

831.046 -> Alan: And you take the time to really cherish each other.

835.551 -> Jono: And you could tell in that scene... Alan: In a beautifully, warmly lit shot...

839.054 -> Just... creamy.

842.182 -> Creme...

843.517 -> Jono: And I know they're married in real life. And...

845.977 -> You've talked about how with acting, a lot of times there's less pretending

849.981 -> and more showing real emotion and letting the audience,

852.984 -> and the crew on set, and the director, like, witness. Right?

856.53 -> Alan: That's what's so tough about acting, is you're...

858.865 -> You're letting people inside to your innermost thoughts. Jono: Yeah.

862.244 -> Alan: The things that in normal life we hide.

865.456 -> And we go in a closet to cry,

868.459 -> or we only say what we really mean to one loved person or whatever.

873.589 -> And you're doing it in front of a crew of 200 people,

876.3 -> with a hopeful audience of millions, you know?

878.594 -> Jono: Well, I as a couples therapist, I choose to believe that if they had crap to work out,

883.682 -> they're like, We got to work that out before we do the scene. Because...

886.059 -> Alan: They did. They've told stories about it.

887.603 -> Jono: Yeah. Oh, did they?

888.27 -> Alan: Yeah. No, they had stuff, not like personal life stuff, but they would...

891.94 -> Jono: Being a married couple.

892.858 -> Alan: Being a married couple and being an actor and a director.

896.194 -> Jono: Yeah.

896.987 -> Alan: Like, they had to do these tender scenes and he was being a director,

899.74 -> and she was like, Okay, hang on, let's go take 5 minutes and work this out.

903.034 -> And then we can actually play this because this is starting to affect Emily, not character.

907.164 -> Jono: Yeah, yeah. Valid. I love it.

909.458 -> Alan: So another thing that is really, really important for a married couple to do

912.419 -> is have each other's backs.

914.421 -> And I couldn't think of a more... just poignant,

918.008 -> really dramatic interpretation of this,

921.762 -> than Pacha and his wife from the Emperor's New Groove.

924.306 -> Yzma: While we're waiting for Paca...

925.891 -> Chicha: Pacha....

926.767 -> Yzma: Yeah. Oh, yes.

929.186 -> Perhaps we can have a tour of your lovely home.

931.772 -> Chicha: You know, why don't you just come back when Pacha gets home?

935.192 -> I'm sure he'd love to show you the...

938.195 -> W-w-well, excuse me, won't you? I think I left something in the oven.

943.575 -> Kronk: This is my variation of double-dutch. On the signal, we switch places.

947.12 -> Yzma: Kronk. It's time.

948.246 -> Kronk: Okay.

949.956 -> Yzma: [growls]

951.291 -> Pacha: So we have to go back to the palace, find the lab and change him back.

954.712 -> Kuzko: Hi there.

956.421 -> Pacha: Um, that was him.

958.215 -> Chicha: Oops.

960.926 -> Tipo: You know what?

961.844 -> I don't believe you're really my great aunt.

964.471 -> You're more like my great-great-great...

966.807 -> Chicha: Go. I'll stall them long enough for you two to get a head start.

969.56 -> Pacha: Thanks, honey.

970.895 -> Kuzko: You've lovely wife. They're both very pretty.

974.439 -> Tipo: Great-great-great-great-great...

977.192 -> Yzma: All right. Are you through?

979.82 -> Tipo: ...great-great aunt.

981.196 -> Chicha: Where were we?

981.947 -> Yzma: Listen... Alan: Two more greats!

982.781 -> Yzma: We're not leaving until... Chicha: I show you the house, of course.

984.95 -> Alan: Comedy is specificity.

986.326 -> Kuzko: Hey, was it a good idea to leave your family with those two?

988.871 -> Pacha: Oh, don't worry. They can handle themselves.

991.957 -> Chicha: What do you mean the door's stuck?

993.792 -> Try jiggling the handle.

995.419 -> Yzma: There is no handle in here.

997.295 -> Chicha: There's not? Are you sure?

999.84 -> Yzma: All right. I've had enough of this.

1002.259 -> Alan: I'll tell you a little secret.

1003.468 -> Yzma: ...and we'll burn your house to the ground.

1005.554 -> Kronk: Don't you mean "or"?

1007.765 -> Yzma: Tell us where the talking llama is OR we'll burn your house to the ground.

1011.518 -> Chaca: Well, which is it?

1012.477 -> That seems like a pretty crucial conjunction.

1015.48 -> Yzma: That's it, Kronk. Break the door down.

1017.775 -> Kronk: Break it down?

1018.567 -> Alan: Every time in an animated movie or show

1020.569 -> that they're in the dark, and all you see is eyes...

1022.738 -> Alan: That's because it's cheap. Yzma: ...myself.

1025.365 -> One...

1026.116 -> Chicha: Ok, kids. You know what to do.

1027.91 -> Yzma: Two...

1028.452 -> Kids: Right, Mom!

1029.87 -> Yzma: Three!

1032.122 -> Yzma: [screams]

1042.716 -> Childminder: Okay, children.

1043.759 -> On your mark...

1045.093 -> Get set...

1047.095 -> Go!

1048.472 -> Yzma: Ow! Ow! Stop it, you little brats! Ow!

1053.101 -> Oww!

1054.478 -> There they go, Kronk! They're getting away!

1058.189 -> Kronk: Ha, ha, ha, ha!

1060.191 -> Well, I had a great time.

1061.819 -> Let's not wait until next family reunion to get together.

1064.989 -> Yzma: KROOONK!

1066.239 -> Kronk: I... got to run.

1068.45 -> Jono: That seals it. How many of you would like to see an Emperor's New Groove episode?

1071.411 -> Full episode. Let us know in the comments below.

1073.455 -> Alan: So I know there's not, like, a ton in that movie.

1075.582 -> Alan: There's really only two scenes between Pacha and his wife. We saw one of them. Jono: Yeah.

1080.128 -> Alan: Why is that so important to have each other's back?

1083.34 -> I mean, we talked a little bit about what that means, but why is that so important?

1086.844 -> Jono: Why do you get married?

1088.387 -> You know, it's not because of the warm fuzzies.

1091.015 -> Hopefully it's not because of the romance. Those are all great things.

1094.685 -> You go... you get married, or you have a partnership...

1099.065 -> Alan: To have a partner.

1099.815 -> Jono: To have a partner.

1100.941 -> Jono: And have someone who has your back in that you're not going through life alone

1103.819 -> and that you're chasing dreams together and trying to accomplish things together,

1107.823 -> and that when you're in trouble, they're there for you,

1109.742 -> or when you're struggling, they're there for you and vice versa.

1112.202 -> And so, yeah, that's absolutely cruci--. That's the whole point.

1116.832 -> Alan: There it is. The Emperor's New Groove is the whole point.

1120.086 -> Jono: No, the whole point is Up.

1123.63 -> Alan: We got to do it, don't we?

1124.715 -> Jono: I know we already did it, but we got to revisit.

1127.426 -> Alan: We got to revisit. This is the gold standard.

1129.302 -> The undefeated and still champion.

1138.395 -> Alan: We said it when we did our Up episode.

1140.106 -> This is...

1142.148 -> This little short film that tells the story of their married life together.

1147.696 -> Jono: So... Alan: One of the most poignant films ever made.

1149.907 -> Jono: They're reading together, and... I think you shortened it for this.

1153.535 -> Alan: We cut it down a bit.

1154.745 -> Jono: Yeah, because in the Up episode we did the whole thing.

1156.413 -> But the fact that, look, they have these shared goals,

1160 -> and laying on a blanket together, reading together,

1163.045 -> they have things that they enjoy doing together,

1165.005 -> and having shared interests is clutch and crucial,

1168.634 -> or you're not going to make it.

1169.927 -> Alan: And then you make plans together. And sometimes...

1173.055 -> Jono: Sometimes those plans don't... don't come to fruition.

1175.766 -> No, I will not cry this time. I refuse.

1178.184 -> Alan: I'm going to cry.

1179.937 -> That's my whole thing, now, so...

1181.688 -> Jono: But having shared interests, but then also making the best of hard situations.

1187.111 -> Jono: Or dreams that don't come true. Alan: Yeah.

1190.906 -> Jono: Because the unfortunate truth is... Well, I actually rephrase that.

1194.451 -> It's not an unfortunate truth. It's just a truth.

1196.703 -> Life doesn't go the way you think. Life doesn't go the way you plan.

1200.624 -> Alan: Luke Skywalker was right.

1202.417 -> Jono: Well, in the moment, it feels unfortunate. Alan: Yeah.

1205.587 -> Jono: Because you had your heart set on something.

1207.756 -> But adaptability and pivoting...

1210.884 -> ...is crucial to life and it's crucial to marriage,

1213.929 -> especially because a lot of marriages are built on certain ideas

1217.183 -> about what our life together is going to be like, what we're going to accomplish together,

1220.06 -> and what happens when life says, Nope. Or...

1224.356 -> Alan: You're not going to have kids.

1225.315 -> Jono: Or personal weakness says...

1227.151 -> Jono: I can't do what I thought I was capable of doing, you know? Alan: Yeah.

1231.197 -> Jono: Do you adapt and find joy in what is.

1235.575 -> Instead of being hung up on what isn't.

1239.496 -> Every happy marriage requires a high degree of mutual tolerance.

1243.667 -> Alan: Yep.

1245.211 -> Jono: And every marriage requires...

1246.628 -> I've heard it said, When you're dating, date with your eyes wide open.

1250.049 -> And when you're married, keep your eyes half close.

1253.593 -> Jono: Right? Alan: It's pretty good advice.

1258.807 -> Jono: You want to go in knowing all the flaws and while you're there, while you're in it, say,

1263.603 -> Okay, what things do I... I'm not going to emphasize.

1266.94 -> Alan: Yeah. Which of these flaws are actually important?

1270.276 -> Jono: Yeah.

1272.029 -> Alan: And the real answer is, Not very many of them.

1274.531 -> Well, and often that comes into context when we lose somebody, you know.

1278.827 -> And good thing for Carl and Ellie.

1281.205 -> I mean, it's just a montage. I'm sure they had fights and arguments,

1283.665 -> but they don't seem like a couple that gets hung up on...

1286.418 -> Jono: The weaknesses or the differences. There's a lot of acceptance there. Alan: Yeah.

1293.092 -> Jono: And one of the reasons why I'm talking through this whole scene is because if I just watch it...

1296.344 -> it will break me again.

1301.975 -> Jono: But she slides in the Adventure Book, like we talked about before.

1307.189 -> Happy marriages also require you to mourn together and to comfort one another.

1312.819 -> Because it's not always happy and it's not always great.

1316.322 -> And one of her last acts...

1318.533 -> ...is to give him a gift that he's too...

1323.038 -> ...aloof, detached, preoccupied, to realize, like, I should open the book and go through it.

1328.169 -> Alan: He never actually opened it. Jono: He never actually does.

1330.629 -> Jono: But what was she trying to do?

1332.881 -> Trying to help him find his next adventure.

1336.01 -> And she ultimately does.

1337.719 -> Alan: Yeah.

1339.346 -> Jono: Healthy, successful marriages are partnerships.

1343.184 -> Healthy successful marriages require that we give.

1347.479 -> Require that we support. Require that we keep the passion alive.

1351.15 -> That we cherish one another.

1352.734 -> Jono: And that we make room for, We're different, and that's okay. Alan: Yep.

1358.824 -> All of this applies to...

1361.952 -> Nontraditional, like, not marriage, like a partnership.

1365.08 -> It can apply to a friendship.

1366.456 -> Jono: It can apply to a polyamorous relationship.

1368.542 -> Alan: I mean, a business partnership.

1370.044 -> Generally speaking, you're going to be business partners with someone you're friends with.

1372.88 -> So that's just an extended, more concentrated friendship.

1377.092 -> Jono: In our case, keeping the passion alive is the passion for the project and the mission.

1380.554 -> Alan: It is. Yeah. Jono: Awesome.

1382.139 -> And something that I love about Carl and Ellie

1384.725 -> is that they they spend that quality time together to make sure that they stay connected.

1388.729 -> Alan: Yeah, they obviously, I mean, they work together,

1390.522 -> but they obviously also put in time outside of work.

1393.067 -> They're driving in the truck and the tire pops and they're, you know,

1396.737 -> planning their trip to Paradise Falls. They're doing all this stuff.

1399.531 -> Jono: And in our case, 'cause this is a bromantic marriage...

1402.951 -> Like, we don't live in the same state anymore.

1404.745 -> I fly in to film the show, but whenever I'm here, we make time just to hang out.

1408.582 -> Alan: Hang out and generally watch movies.

1410.959 -> But we do other stuff too.

1412.753 -> Jono: But when we watch movies to hang out, we're not watching them for the show. Alan: That's right.

1416.006 -> Jono: It's important. Like, just those shared interests.

1417.841 -> So, yeah, this was good stuff.

1419.927 -> Alan: One that I know we're going to get comments about, that we left out.

1423.264 -> Honorable mention...

1424.348 -> Or maybe the GOAT...

1425.557 -> Morticia and Gomez.

1428.185 -> We didn't put that in this list.

1430.187 -> Alan: But if you have... Jono: Because we have a full episode just on that marriage.

1432.356 -> Alan: We have an all ep-- We-- Bleurp... Pfffft...

1434.524 -> Yyyyyghhyyhyyhyyhyyy

1436.526 -> Jono: Please leave that in and just go, Boop!

1438.195 -> Alan: We have a whole episode just on that marriage.

1440.447 -> So we didn't feel like including it here.

1443.491 -> However, if you would like us to do another list with them,

1446.954 -> and/or any others, put them in the comments.

1448.789 -> We want to know what we should talk about.

1450.498 -> Jono: What are your favorite movie marriages?

1452.334 -> Alan: Great marriages. There are some in movies.

1454.878 -> So, until next time...

1456.297 -> Jono: What is it that you really like to do?

1459.425 -> Alan: I love to eat.

1461.302 -> Jono: And you are so good at it.

1462.552 -> Alan: Oh, I know I am.

1464.012 -> I'm growing right in front of you

1466.598 -> Internet Dads: And... watch movies.

1469.643 -> Jono: Oh, no...

1470.685 -> You got stuck in Julia Child.

1472.271 -> Alan: I can't escape from it.

1474.606 -> We would like to thank our patrons for helping us bring this episode to you.

1479.194 -> Jono: Including Jaden Winchester,

1480.988 -> Alan: Rebecca,

1481.905 -> Jono: Ally Abendshien,

1483.157 -> Alan: Stephanie Wang,

1484.783 -> Jono: Lyra Valley.

1485.867 -> Alan: You can also become a patron. Patreon.com/CinemaTherapy,

1488.745 -> and you get stuff, like extended episodes and stuff.

1491.873 -> Jono: Lots of bonus content.

1492.833 -> Alan: So much good stuff.

1493.917 -> It's good and it's stuff.

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvUWhcODLUE